just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
