I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
