meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just google imaged poop.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think your dad took our porno
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize