Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
