Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
