It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
