also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize