Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize