remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
