I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
