Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
