I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
