i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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