dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
