Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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