I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
