Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
