Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
