I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
