Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
