So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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