Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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