Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
try to milk me bitch
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