i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
