can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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