How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
