I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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