I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
