I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
