you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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