the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
