dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
