I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
