he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize
