I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
