we have pet lesbian snakes
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
