She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
