I never want to see another naked old woman again.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
