You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
