So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
