sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize