Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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