Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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