You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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