You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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