you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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