Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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