So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
