I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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