I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
