we made out on top of his cat.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
