so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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