The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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