We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
