Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
