So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize