two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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