i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We are two peas in an std pod
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize