i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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