he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
