I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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