i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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