Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
