Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
