I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
