I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The beer is more important than you right now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We need to get me chipped asap
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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