i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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