maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
