yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
