I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
