its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
