every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
