Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
