If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
