; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
