Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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