AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
