I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
