can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
