yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize