He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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