Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
