he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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