I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So many bounce houses so little time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
