I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
