Sponge bath it is.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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