I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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